Ben's Thread of Wierd and Wonderful News Stories

[Ben G.]

I'll aim to update this daily with amusing, wierd or wonderful stuff I find lying around the internets.
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Taken from BBC

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife",
after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, of Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

[fran]

That is sooooo wrong! Did the goat have anything to say about this?

[Bx]

Baaah

[omar]

No no no, it said "I ob-baa-ject!"

[fran]

omar said:

No no no, it said "I ob-baa-ject!"

Oh dear. What is the world coming to?

Could be worse. Could have been a chicken...

[kath]

You've spelled weird wrong, Ben. It's a shame, cos now you must die.

[Waaaaaayne]

kath said:

You've spelled weird wrong, Ben. It's a shame, cos now you must die.

Could you not just wound him instead? Only we need him alive to pay rent.

[Ben G.]

kath said:

You've spelled weird wrong, Ben. It's a shame, cos now you must die.

It's all part of the act.

[fran]

wolfeg said:

kath said:

You've spelled weird wrong, Ben. It's a shame, cos now you must die.

It's all part of the act.

You're a scientist, you don't have to be able to spell. In fact it's better if you don't...

[Ben G.]

Tonight's update, redneck fishing bloopers.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0lV75CNw1I
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAN-Y7ySD-I
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvAHYR5DnZE
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCXrIcEDrS4
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFtCCv4rGUg
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHO9owG9eWU
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAN-Y7ySD-I
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnKh1jGyzvs

[Bx]

Teehee:

Stripper for 102nd birthday party
Staff at a home for the elderly organised an unlikely present for a resident's 102nd birthday - a stripper.
The Nunnery in Diss, Norfolk, arranged the surprise for Gwen Dorling's birthday on Monday.

The male stripper was ordered after Mrs Dorling said she would have liked one for her 100th birthday.

A spokeswoman for the home said: "She had a wonderful time and enjoyed every minute of it. She says she would like two strippers next year."

Helping Mrs Dorling celebrate were her son Peter Dunn, 76, two of her three granddaughters and one of her three great granddaughters.

[Ed R-J]

I don't want to steal my fellow Equipment Officer's thunder, but I found this survey:

According to Channel 4 on Thursday the average person in his/her
life reads 533 books, eats 854 tins of baked beans, uses 4239 rolls of
lavatory paper and produces 35815 litres of wind.

Presumably the 35815 litres of wind are primarily due to the 854 tins of baked beans...

[Ben G.]

Oh my, an update!

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/6601655.stm

Man, 82, hits robber with lettuce

An 82-year-old man wielding a bag of shopping has driven an armed robber from a village post office.

George Smith hit the man twice with a bag containing an iceberg lettuce and bottles of bleach and washing liquid.

The masked raider, who had a shotgun, fled from the shop in Speldhurst, near Tunbridge Wells, Kent, leaving the takings untouched.

Police praised Mr Smith for his bravery, but did not recommend other people followed his actions.

Officers are linking the attempted robbery to three other raids in the area since 7 April.

They include raids on a nature reserve and fish farm in Hawkhurst, Kent, and a One-Stop shop in Sidley, East Sussex.

Mr Smith was in the Speldhurst post office just before 1300 BST on Friday.

Det Insp John Claydon said a man aged in his 20s walked in, armed with a shotgun and with his face covered by a hood and a dust mask.

"Before he had a chance to say anything at all, this elderly gentleman whacked him with a carrier bag which had a lettuce amongst other things in it," Det Insp Claydon said.

"Bearing in mind his age, I can do nothing but congratulate him for what he did.

"But obviously from a police perspective we wouldn't be looking to encourage people to act as George did."

Mr Smith himself said his actions were "entirely automatic".

"The best method of defence is attack - so I did. I whacked him in the face and then I clobbered him again.

"He ran off down to the corner still with the gun pointing my way.

"I took a couple of paces towards him and told him to clear off. And he did."

Police said the armed man fled along Barden Road.

[fran]

Hm...

There was a snippet in my newspaper this week (sadly in German) that there was a man killed last year because two other blokes had thrown a washing machine at him. Mind you, they missed him but then the washing machine fell over and hit him on the head.

That didn't kill him - not quite - so they used broom sticks and leg tables to finish the job.

I know I shouldn't be amused by this... But I am!=)

[Ben G.]

I just had to post this:

Metallica in The Simpsons.

and this:

Ninja Breaks Into Home, Attacks People

ORLANDO, FL (AP) -- A man dressed like a ninja broke into an Orlando home, smashed furniture, attacked two people and then vanished without a trace.

Three people were inside the home watching a movie Sunday afternoon when the ninja ran in, punched one man in the mouth and then kicked another man.

The victims -- who did not want to be identified -- reported that the costumed man slammed the DVD player and VCR into a dresser. Then he pulled out a knife and started waiving it around. The victims say the intruder didn't steal anything from the house but took several pictures with his cell phone camera.

When it was time for the ninja to make his escape, he didn't disappear in a cloud of smoke. The victims say the man ran down the street to a black BMW and drove off.

(Link)